It is difficult for me to write this, not because I dont want to recall the past, but because I am a new man in Jesus Christ, having been transformed by Him. He has made me a new man and washed my sins away, and for this reason the old man does not exist in me any more. Perhaps in the eyes of the medical profession I am trying to run away from the past, but I know that in my case this is not true. All that I was, all that I went through; the rage, the hate, the emptiness that existed in me (and that no longer exists). All these feelings have disappeared. Thats why I am more able to feel and live emotionally the good moments that I had in my life. I dont forget the bad times, but now I dont feel them emotionally, for God has helped me to overcome this.

Rom 6:3-7
Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin.

I am a new man, not simply because I feel it, but because anyone who knew me before can also confirm it, be they Christian or not, for anyone who has lived with me close up knows what I am talking about.

Right now I am in Macau (a former Portuguese colony near to Honk Kong). God has given me a wife and two children, my family and emotional life is great, professionally and financially stable, for which I thank God for the transformation that He has made in my life and for all that He has given me.

Today I see many of my dreams have been realised, but more importantly, my life has been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I have a dedicated wife and a good companion, who is always by my side, who supports me through everything and has been used by God to bless me. Two children that even in this He was faithful in His blessing. When my wife first became pregnant we prayed that the firstborn would be a girl and then a boy and so it was. They too have been a great blessing to us and have given us much happiness.

Ps:5:11-12
But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee. For thou, Lord, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

Professionally I am doing what I always loved, and this has given me the opportunity to travel something I always dreamed of doing. I have met all sorts of people, from Politicians to Heads of State etc., who would have thought, for one who was like a rag blowing in the wind, a drug addict without hope and one who few thought could ever get out of that life. However, for with God nothing is impossible and Im here to prove it.

I am the son of a Chinese mother and a Portuguese father, who met in Macau. Naturally when my mother met my father she was a Buddhist and my father a Catholic. After their marriage and return to Portugal she was converted to Catholicism, but didnt find the truth in the Catholic Religion. Both of them tried various religions, I was small, and every time a new religion appeared they would convert. Still as a child, I remember my mother telling me, my brothers and sisters, Bible stories every night before we went to sleep. Stories that I can still remember; though they knew the bible stories and read it every night they didnt know Jesus!

Mk:7:6-7
He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

Life was hard for them, and getting ever more difficult until they separated and my brothers, sisters and I stayed with my mother. Life was exceptionally difficult for us at this time, my mother spoke very little Portuguese, was unemployed and having to raise 7 of her 9 children. Life was so depressing we survived with military help, each day we would collect the leftovers from the neighbouring barracks so that we could eat. During these desperate times my mother became a Christian believer and life began to get better. She managed to find employment and we were given a house by the local authority.

Although my mother tried to convert us, and was always praying that we would come to know Jesus, the truth is that me and my siblings had ceased to believe in God or in any kind of religion, we had become fed-up with our parents converting all the time. Our life was with our friends in the "Bairro" (estate), and we did whatever we liked. My mother left for work very early in the morning and only got home at suppertime, so everyone looked after himself or herself. With no one to control us and mixing with friends that were living like this it became easy to come into contact with all kinds of things, from drugs, robbery and much more. As kids we loved to try everything without limits. Soon I had tried various drugs, I was, by this time, well known at the local Police Station because of having been involved in robberies.

Some of my siblings left home when they became of age (18 yrs), and I followed in their footsteps. By the age of 16 I knew Portugal top to bottom, selling things at local fairs. When I returned home I dedicated myself to small trafficking and the sale of drugs, having had various charges against me, but always being released since I was still a "minor". One day I decided to leave home for good and start a new life for myself.

My life had really changed, now at 19 yrs. It "couldnt get any better", I thought. I had stopped stealing and selling drugs, however I still used them. I was well financially, I ran a business with several employees and I was buying a house. By now I was living together with a young lady, I was proud of myself and others looked up to me. Truth is that my happiness was a sham, for inside there existed a huge vacuum and insecurity that I tried to fill with drugs and other things. Eventually we separated and the emptiness just grew! My drug consumption was growing and when I came to myself I was sleeping on the streets.

Thank God, my sister still believed that I could get free from the slavery of the drugs, when no one else believed in me. I tried everything I could in order to be cured turning to clinics and medical help, but all in vain. Every relapse was worse. I remember things that I never dreamed I could do, from stealing from my own family and friends, to even deceiving my own mother. Not knowing my situation I asked her for money with the excuse that it was to pay my employees and, for this reason, I needed quite an amount. I was in a desperate state, until my sister decided to tell all to my mother, as she didnt know what else to do. My mother knew that if I came to Jesus I could be cured, but however much she tried to get me to pray with her I always told her off because I didnt believe in God!

I remember my attempts at kicking the drugs and during the "Cold Turkey", my mother would spend whole nights with me praying, but in my eyes she was just wasting her time. She knew that her prayers were being answered, and inspite of my disbelief, she never gave up on me or in my other siblings that one day we would come to know Jesus and accept him into our hearts.

My mother, at this time, lived far from me, but had taken time off work to be with me during the treatment, so that I could have support. This was when something terrible happened. During the "Cold Turkey" I turned to my mother and asked her for some money for a "fix". Naturally she refused. I became violent grabbing her purse out of her hand and taking what money she had. Suddenly she fell to her knees and wept in front of me and prayed that God would forgive me and do a miracle in my life. I had never seen my mother like this; she grabbed my legs so that I couldnt leave the house in order to buy drugs. At that moment I become so cold that I turned my back on her and left to buy my "fix". Today, whenever I think of this incident, the tears come to my eyes, but I know that at that moment God heard and felt the anguish of that woman kneeling and crying out for the salvation of her son. The following day after my "fix", I hadnt the courage to return home, I wandered the streets aimlessly with the image of my kneeling mother permanently in my thoughts. I began to look into my self, seeking answers I couldnt find, I had to get out of this situation, how could I have done that after all shed done for me? When I went back my mother had already decided to go back to her home, shed no more strength to help me, nevertheless she still continued to pray and believe that one day I could be healed.

Job:8:5-6
If thou wouldest seek unto God betimes, and make thy supplication to the Almighty; If thou wert pure and upright; surely now he would awake for thee, and make the habitation of thy righteousness prosperous.

A few weeks later my sister spoke with me about a centre that had been recommended by a social Worker, but that it was Christian, called "Teen Challenge", being a centre for "Cold treatment (without the aid of medication). At that time I needed someone to believe in me, even though I didnt believe that I could be cured, but as I had tried so many thingsNO MORE!! She then took me to the " Marques da Silva Café fellowship" in Lisbon. She wasnt a believer either, but she thought as I did, "If it helps my brother why not if it cures!"

For six months my sister would go with me to Marques da Silva so that I wouldnt miss any of the sessions where I was asked to reduce my drug intake. With my sisters help I began to gain control over my intake. During the counselling we spoke about everything, we didnt have to be "Christians" or "convert", we were accepted for who we were. We spoke of Jesus and His life, how that He had given up His life for those that were lost and for sinners. We were also given psychological support; we spoke about ourselves, our problems. We heard testemonies, no one was discriminated against we were received with love without having to give anything in exchange, other then trying to cut down on the drugs and challenge Jesus to work in our lives. Something really started to happen, I began to think, "How can people just love you, be there seeking nothing in exchange, and have the patience to listen?" Sometimes we were almost legless with the amount of drugs we took, so that we would simply dose off in the seats or that sometimes we couldnt even hear them. "How was it possible that these people could still believe in us? Now I knowonly by Jesus being in our hearts is it possible to go through all that, because with Him hope never dies and nothing is impossible.

Jn:3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

1Cor:1:18
For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

I know how crazy it can sound, to those who are lost, that Jesus died on a cross to save us. But for we who are saved it is the expression of the power of God.

Finally I was admitted to the Lourel centre. At first I didnt think that I would last long, quitting drugs "Cold Turkey" would be very difficult. If it was difficult WITH medication, what would it be like without? To my amazement I got through. The following was harder, the psychological, for it is when we feel down, when all those feelings of guilt come to our minds, when there seems like no way out, when we have to face reality and own up to what we really are and had done. I remember sitting on a hill overlooking the town of Sintra, I watched the trains leave for Lisbon and long for the old life just so I could run away from reality and make my problems disappear. It was only the power of God that gave me the strength to go through this and overcome. Only God could have used the people that worked there in order to give us support and support each other.

In the beginning it was so confusing, I didnt know if it would work. When I started I didnt even believe that God could really exist, after all that had happened how could He? But I would lose nothing by trying Him out. "If He really existed then show me!" I decided to try and pray for little things, goals to achieve, or for things that were impossible for me. It was then that things began to happen, not as I wanted but as He wanted. The result was that I had asked or rather, as sometimes it was difficult to believe I told myself that it was my own strength, or that it was coincidence. Yet after so many proofs I finally had to give in to Him. He REALLY exists, not simply because of the transformation He was making in my life, but also in the lives of those around me! Suddenly three months had gone by; I couldnt even have gone on my own for one month without drugs!

I was about to come to then end of my stay at the Lourel Crisis Centre; I was physically well and maturer spiritually. Now I wanted to know more about Him. I also needed to be strengthened emotionally, when I was transferred to the Fanhões Centre. Here life was different with more people, more responsibilities, more active and also more testing, not like the Lourel Centre where life was calm and we had to have physical treatment, not forgetting the psychological either. Fanhões was where the biggest transformations took place, where I truly felt peace and rest to my soul, where I grew spiritually. There I had the biggest experience with God that it is impossible to deny it. I felt such happiness like Id never sensed before. I shall never forget that place and all that God gave me and did for me; friendships made, the love that I received, the way I was treated, the people, my brothers in Christ, that He used to bless me and everyone else. Glory to God for His mercy towards me and for allowing me to find that place and never giving up on me!

Prv:3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Truly God's ways are not ours, He always has His plans for our lives, that are not our plans. My moving to Macau is proof of how He works in our lives when we let Him work and when we trust in Him.

I shall never forget the day that was to dictate my future; I was in Fanhões under punishment for making an unauthorised phone call. It was a special day for me, my birthday. At my sisters house everyone was waiting for me that weekend to celebrate. It was Saturday when I called to tell then that I had to stay in the centre, that I could not go home for my birthday, that I would be going on the Sunday. You can imagine how I felt. The weekend ruined, unable to be with my family on my birthday, but God had other plans. As far as I was concerned I should be leaving the Saturday in order to celebrate my birthday on the Sunday at my sisters. Happily, this particular Sunday the centre head called me to communicate that the punishment had been exceptionally rescinded as it was my birthday and that I could go today! As he had to go to Setubal and my sisters house was on the way, in Almada, he would take me in his car.

During the journey he spoke to me about the work of "Teen Challenge" in Macau, which awoke my interest seeing my family connections with that place. That was when I proposed the idea to finish my programme with "Teen Challenge" in Macau. This happened in January, by April (1994) I was in Macau.

Everything was so different in Macau. I didnt know anyone; it was all so new. I began to cooperate with the Centre, months later I got my first job and began to make my first friendships. These were people that had been trying to recover in the Centre and who spoke to me about drugs in the orient. I became more interested until, one day, I decided to experiment, before I knew it I was back on the habit. Thank God it wasnt for long because God acted once more in my life. It made me confess to the Director and the Centre in Macau, and I sought gods help. I promised myself to get involved with a church. God knew that I needed someone to support me and for this reason I met my future wife who was part of the Praise Group at the church, so I became more involved with the church. God never gives up on us if we allow Him to work and this is what He did

It has been over 8 years since I last touched drugs. I continue faithful to God for I know that I can only overcome through Him. All my financial debts have been paid and he, having granted me a comfortable living has met all my needs. When I applied for my job I never once hid my past which, because of discrimination, would have been easier, but even this I placed in Gods hands. I am now permanently employed, and I have not been treated any differently as a result of my past.

Not only was my life transformed, but also my familys. Six of my siblings and their families were saved also, some of them having had problems with drugs, alcohol or finances. Now they have all accepted Jesus into their lives and their problems have been resolved, being themselves involved in their churches.

Finally God responded to my mothers prayers, not as she desired but in His time. God has used me so that my siblings could see His power and the miracle that He did in my life, in order that they could believe that He exists. Many years have passed but His work continues in us. New problems and worries come into our lives, the battle goes on, but now we have an ally that helps us to overcome.

Translated from Portuguese by John Hayworth